YOUR LOVED ONE DIED OF COVID? DON’T LET IT DOMINATE YOU.
My mother died of COVID-19 this spring. She was 78 years old, around the same age as our two presidential candidates. As the number of U.S. cases surges and the White House acknowledges that they just don’t care how many people are exposed to the virus (because they have the best doctors), I offer this personal glimpse into the oppressive and defective eldercare and healthcare systems that average Americans have access to.
Please understand that what follows is the tip of the iceberg. Although I’m writing here largely about a single eldercare facility, over the past several years I’ve experienced others that shared similar characteristics — chiefly, the equation in which a for-profit business offering care services to families with few other options equals less care and more hardship and heartache. The eldercare system is in a dysfunctional marriage with everything also broken about healthcare and insurance, along with oppressions that operate around disability, mental health, race, class, and so on. It’s all worse during the pandemic. This is a snapshot through my subjective lens, but what my family has gone through is not unique.
My mother had moderate Alzheimer’s dementia and for the past year lived on the memory care floor of an assisted living facility that is part of a national chain. Even in “normal” times, there were issues with staffing and care (e.g. number of staff per resident, amount of training, degree of patience and care they offered). Senior staff had a tendency to be evasive and act put off by questions or concerns from family. It became even more complicated if, like my mother, your loved one was seen as “difficult” because of their behaviors or demeanor. But Mom seemed overall safe and comfortable there, we were able to afford some hours with private aides to offer her one-on-one companionship, and things were pretty stable before the pandemic.
The last time I was with my mom was at the end of February; my uncle visited her the first week of March. Then the facility went on lock-down, canceling all in-house activities and prohibiting visitors. On March 11th I began receiving a daily letter from the Executive Director explaining the steps they were taking to confront the virus. Initially these missives were reassuring, proclaiming in large-font italics that “none of our residents or team members…
